An Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh

Dear Sir,

My name is Seth Millican. I am president of two fairly renowned Kool-aid appreciation societies. You may have heard of KAD, Kool-aid Drinkers? That one got pretty big. Anything?

Anyway, I heard what you said on The Daily Show. I know you didn't actually say it on The Daily Show, but it was where I heard it. I must admit, I missed its original airing. I assume it was some sort of Christian Coalition webcast, or something?

Well, sir, in that statement, you said Republicans that publicly support President Obama are simply too scared to openly wish he would fail (like you do). You continued to say, "They're drinking the Kool-aid... they're afraid of being called racists." Now, I know that you did not create the phase but it has long been held out-of-bounds by decent society. To infer that there are any negative implications from drinking Kool-aid is pure bigotry. I hope I can trust you have not been swayed by those obesity awareness groups. You must hate them as much as I do. I don't know, because I really hate them. Did you know that there are laws in most states that limit the amount of Kool-aid sold for personal use? But, I can definitely see why you would hate them also. This is the perfect kind of thing for us to use as a bridge to our partnership in tolerance.

Just what is wrong with drinking Kool-aid? Kool-aid drinkers have long since put that wicked stereotype behind us. Kool-aid won't kill you. It won't turn you into a mindless conformist. You know, we were finally past that whole, ugly Heaven's Gate thing. Then we somehow got mixed in with Michael Jackson. I know, that you know, that he used wine, but you would be surprised. But now, here you come bringing the whole thing up again? Could you please stop?

I am going to put the obvious racial sentiment aside. I am white. I love Kool-aid. You mix it with tap water. Here is tap water, wait, mix... sugary goodness. Why is that only a black thing?

I think you know what I am saying.

I feel pretty good about this correspondence. You may even be interested in joining KAWF. Kool-aid World Federation. Just email me at Koolaid15@aol.com. Did you know that Kool-aid is not only the best way to enjoy prescription pills but also to transport them?

Thanks,

Seth Millican