Today I waited in line for six hours to get an autographed copy of Going Rouge: An American Story. It will make a very nice x-mas gift for my mom, and I am glad that I did it. This is my story.
The first thing I learned is that “what we have in office now” basically means nigger.
Okay, that may be a little harsh. The people were generally nice. The four people behind us did have a lengthy conversation that boiled down to, “I wouldn’t pull the trigger, but it would be nice.”
My sister and I arrived at 6:00 am. We did not bring chairs, but she did bring a blanket so we sat on the cold ground. Everyone was quiet for the first hour or so. A man walked by wearing a shirt reading, “End Communism. Impeach Obama”. The crowd (about 600 people by now) started cheering and taking pictures. Then the signs came out. My favorite was, “Even Sarah knows this country ain’t right.”
Just kidding, I made that one up. There were a lot of signs though. I was really doing fine until about 9:00, when I moved to the bathroom line. It took 35 minutes. In front of me, two comically short old ladies bemoaned the state of the nation. Behind me, four lesbian looking women (I was surprised too) discussed their whirlwind trips to Tea Parties and the virtues of Glen Beck. It got pretty rough.
My sister said that when I got back in line I was a changed man. The people in front of us were going to miss their ticket, so I ran over and told them. When they thanked me I said, “No problem. Just, next time Fox News has you all frothed up, remember that liberals can be nice too.” The man, he looked a little like Ray Liotta if Ray Liotta fell face first into a meat grinder, said “Ha Ha, we just despise your word view.”
The tire department opened at 10 so a woman pulled her truck into the bay. She had an Obama bumper sticker. The crowd booed. I chanted, “Four more years!” to the dismay of my sister. The guy behind me yelled at the lady, “How’s that change working out for you now?” I swear to shit, him and his wife talked about it for the next half hour. They both thought it was brilliant. Somehow, I did not say a word.
Sarah was to arrive at 11:00 and then sign for four hours. The first 500 were guaranteed a signature, so we had arrived early enough. I was number 403. Sarah’s SUV pulled up to the front door and several security people ushered her into the building at 10:45. The people in line could not believe that she walked right in the front door and quickly attributed it to her real world charm. I loudly explained to my sister that the back docks lead to a narrow door and it would be much easier to get that many people through the front door.
A very pretty Asian lady approached my sister and me to ask what was going on. I told her that it was a Klan rally. (My sister and I played find the black person in line all day, neither of us won).
The line moved early and quickly, I have to give her that. When I finally got inside my sister went to the car to sleep. The first thing inside the door was a x-mas card to Sarah. I wrote, “Four more years! Go Obama.” Then I realized that they had one at the end of every aisle. I wrote on three of them. When I got to the fourth a Costco employee asked me what I was going to write. I said, “Yes we can.” He asked me to please stop writing on the cards.
The line inside the store took about 2 hours. A lady came back for the signs she discarded. She had one that said, “Restore our Constitutional rights”. She asked if anyone wanted a sign. I asked her what Constitutional rights needed restoring. The people behind me shouted that I was a Democrat so I never got an answer.
Palin was not personalizing the books but the lady in front of me (wife of Liotta) had two pictures of her special needs child. Palin signed both pictures and really talked to the lady for a second.
I shook Palin's hand and waved off the lady taking pictures, which seemed to shock her.
At the pick-up table I was trying to find the one with my post-it note. I saw my line mate’s book having books stacked on top of it. I turned to her to point it out and realized that she had absolutely lost it. She was sobbing. I said, “Wow this really touched you.” I grabbed my book and high tailed it to the car.
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