Guide for Teenage Boys

It’s time I gave back. You know? I take a look at my life and all that this blog has given me, and I think, “Geez man, stop being a take machine.”

After careful deliberation I have decided that the best way I can benefit the world is to explain to young men what the teenage girl is thinking.

By, what the teenage girl is thinking, I mean... what knowledge, specific to teenage girls, I have been able to acquire in 31 years of life. Please comment if you have actually figured out teenage girls. I will pay. Comment on my blog.

The reason I feel like this is my best contribution to mankind is because teenage girls are both pure chaos and ultimate simplicity. You will never be able to know what they are thinking, but the first thing you should always say to them is, “You are so unique.”

To all the old guys reading this blog trying to learn how to pick up teenage girls, fuck you man. Just go get a Camero and get off my blog. You guys make me sick. I have your IP address now asshole. Be careful. But, seriously, whoever you are, please comment on my blog.

…Wait…I am getting an urgent message…

(Is this for sure?)

(Seriously?)

(‘Cause my job is on the line here. I could get violent.)

I am told that LiberalHaven is about to break a big story. A personal email, from Jesus Christ to Christian Coalition President, Roberta Combs has been acquired by site staff:


To: Christlike01@ChristianCoalition.org
From: TheGr8I@m.god
Title: Let’s look on the bright side of life

Bobby. Baby. You never return my emails anymore. I am worried about you. Trust me, I like Obama. Everything is going to be ok. You need to stop trying to look at the part of him that is white and start looking at the part of him that is black. Did you know that lots of black people hate gay people? Dare I say it, maybe more than you do?

Seriously, let’s get down to copper rivets here. You guys are not doing enough to beat back the abomination of all abominations. I don’t care what else is going on. Let’s focus people. Have you turned on the TV lately? Will has a new show. I don’t know if he is gay it in, but it makes me think of Will & Grace, and that’s bad enough.

I know, I know, I said rap music was from the devil. But have you listened to it at all? They seem fine with shooting faggots on sight. I say, let’s clear out the queers, and then put focus on attaining our white heaven. Are you with me? Aren’t you supposed to be?

I think you know what I am saying. I hate gay people. I mean, I really hate them. It like… makes me want to throw-up, when I think about them kissing. You should hate them too. Did you know that if gay people get to marry, eventually, aids will be in tap water? My dad told me that.

Christ Out